Women and men just don’t talk the same! That goes for investors and for financial advisors. Last blog entry I talked a bit about the difference between a Coach and a Consultant. A Coach empowers you to succeed. A Consultant tells you what to do. There are places for both skills. When you are a Coach you need highly refined listening skills. You need to be able to gather information, see patterns and even intangibles underneath the data, like motivation, passion, resistance, drive and creativity. The Coach is there “Empower the Person”. A Consultant on the other hand gathers information to evaluate the problem and presents a solution. The Consultant is there to “Prescribe a Tool”.
What does this have to do with the way men and women talk? I notice that my male clients tend to expect me to be a consultant. They tend to be very direct and linear. They present the information like parts of an algebra equation and hope that I can add it up and give them the exact fix. They often seem uncomfortable when I actively include them in creating the solution. I feel like I am letting them down by tapping into their experience and skill. It sometimes seems like they would prefer me to act like an answer gum-ball machine. Turn the dial and out pops the perfect answer. On the other hand my female clients tend to value the listening coach. It is much more common for my female clients to spend a lot of time talking around a situation. I can just actively listen for a whole hour and they’ll go away thrilled. With men, I work to draw out ideas like pumping water from a deep deep well. With women there is a large and ready reservoir. My efforts are more focused on channeling an overflowing spring.
I have to change my approach in order to be effective. The same will be true for advisors who want to work well with women. Get ready for a very different conversational style. Since I am a woman I am used to it, but it may be a significant adjustment for advisors used to dealing with men.
Fact of the Day
Research on language processing shows that even at very young ages boys and girls process language very differently. Boys have a harder time processing a lot of words and can get overwhelmed with too much talk.
Tip of the Day
Get ready for a LOT of information if you invite a woman to engage and talk. It may take some time to adjust but it can be worth it. If you actively engage women and listen well (and do good work too) you will earn her loyalty and respect. After all you want your women clients to LOVE you. If they LOVE you they will PROMOTE you actively and voluntarily.
PS This entry was much longer when I first typed it. I tend to ramble while getting ideas out. Then I go back and delete all the “extra” words. For some, it’s still too long. See……
